I am a 12 year old boy...

stuck in the body of a 25 year old girl. I like comic books. I like video games. I like potty jokes. Nothing makes me laugh harder than someone falling down.

I don't know what started the obsession with superheros. I could come up with some psycho-babble explanation, like "their perfection and courage is something that I admire and qualities I wish I had in myself." Yeah, that's not it. I don't want to be a superhero, never did. I always wanted to date a superhero. At 16, my big celebrity crush was Nightwing.

When I was little, Wonder Woman was my idol. Once again, I didn't want to be her. I had an imaginary friend, like the rest of you hobos. She didn't have a name, and no matter what age I was, she was the same age as me. I wouldn't talk to her out loud or anything like that, like those creepy kids who's imaginary friend is an 80 year old man in a suit that lives in the closet, and his name is Mortimer. No, it wasn't a creepy relationship. She looked exactly like Wonder Woman. Black hair, red boots, costume, whole sha-bang. Thinking back, she did look kinda silly dressed in a Wonder Woman costume when she was 5. Somewhat of a........ midget Wonder Woman.

Sometimes I'd get tired of her pretending to Wonder Woman, maybe not so much tired, but jealous. So then I'd dress up like Wonder Woman. Remember those underoos when you were a kid? Not the ones with little logos or pictures. I'm talking the underoos that were full fledged costumes. Shut up, it was a costume to me. And yes, what I'm trying to get at is that I would run around in my underwear.

I went through those things so fast, my mom was buying me a new set every week. My grandmother would come to the house, and yell at my mother for letting me run around in my underwear. I'll catch my death.

My dad bought me a yellow rope. my costume was almost complete. I'd take red construction paper and staple it around my calves. Insta-boots!! I'd also make a tiara out of construction paper. That would last 2.2 seconds before it was ripped into 5 pieces. My hair wasn't black. That sucked.

Pretty soon they didn't make underoos big enough for me. Stop laughing, I wasn't 13 at the time.

After a couple years, I realized Wonder Woman was actually pretty lame in comparison to the greatest, superest, most wonderfullest superhero OF ALL TIME.....

Yes, I was ill-informed, ignorant even. But I saw the light. That light is still with me now, and nothing brings me more light than this light. This light brings me out of the lowest of places.

I'm not making sense. Let me rephrase. I live for Batman.

The End